so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
