I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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