oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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