She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
