My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
