i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
