Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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