You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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