Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
