This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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