Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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