Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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