So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
