youre lurking in front of me
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
its liver damage thursday
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
