So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
