I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
