broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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