I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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