I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
