let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
