you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
