So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
