Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
