Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
