i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
