I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Quick, to the slutcave!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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