we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
