R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
