Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
