I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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