so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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