His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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