i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
