I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
