Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
