Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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