i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
