I just pynch a tree in the face
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
