I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
