Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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