Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
