hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
