walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
