I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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