he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
