Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
