At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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