so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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