Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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