You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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