I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His hands were made for my vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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