There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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