I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
