the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
