bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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