I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
