he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
where are my eyebrows?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
