I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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