so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
