we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
