if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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