Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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