I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
it's like iHOP with fire
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
