and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
