everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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