You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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