No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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