Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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