That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
