I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
