I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
