Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
