I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
