i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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