if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
