my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
